Sunday, December 19, 2010

Christmas Conversation

V: Mom, who's Murder?
M: Um, I don't understand the question.
V: Who is Murder?
M: Murder is a thing you do, not a person, honey.
V: You don't understand. This one is Gold. One is Frank, and the other is Murder!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

I Believe in Indoctrinating Them Young

Me: So you see Val? I can call Daddy sexy because I'm married to him. Are you married to anyone?
Val: Nooo.
Me: Yeah. So you probably shouldn't call anyone sexy. Okay?
Val: Okay. I guess. But Mommy, how can I get married? You and Daddy got married, but I don't know how to get married.
Me: *Pause* Welllll, first you have to get a lot older. You need to be like 20. Or 24. Then you have to find a girl you like and she likes you. Then, if Mommy likes her, you can marry her.
Val: Oh. So I can marry her if you like her. You have to like her.
Me: Absolutely. That's very very important.
Val: Okay.
Me: Don't forget it.
Val: I won't.

P.S. I never thought I would have to teach my 6 year old when it was and wasn't appropriate to call someone sexy. It boggles my mind the kind of stuff kids pick up.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Conversation on the Home Front--Canabalism

Me: The dogs lick you because they're trying to learn about you. They figure things out with their nose and tongue and eyes.
V: WHA-t?
Me: No, I'm serious. And if they like you they lick you because they're just tasting you a little bit.
V: Huh-uh.
Me: Sure! I'll bet you taste really good.
V: No, I don't!
Me: How do you know? You've never tasted. Maybe you should lick yourself and see.
V: . . .
Me: Go on. Try it.
V: EWWWW! I think I need a bath.